Advice from An Old Farmer

Advice from an old farmer

Great advice from an old farmer

Advice from An Old Farmer

I don’t remember where I first found this but I saved it because the advice is so great. A couple of them are farm related but can still be interpreted and used in your daily life.

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads. Continue reading

The Best Advice I Didn’t Get

best advice

Lin-Manuel in Hamilton

What is the best advice you ever got?

I was watching the Tony Awards the other night; for entertainment, not lessons. The amazing writer, actor and rapper, Lin-Manuel Miranda (of Hamilton fame) spoke a couple of times and each time I was impressed with his depth and compassion.

His sonnet about the Orlando massacre was show stopping but he told a story about attending private school and something he said spoke deeply to me. He said that pretty much everyone there were geniuses and the only way he could compete was to be the best he could be at one thing and he excelled.  He chose theater.

You see, his parents told him to “pick a lane.”

Continue reading

Why genuine gratitude is so important! And how to do it…

cloudsI’ve been having a rough few months but now I really get  why gratitude is so important.

If you start focusing on disappointments and what you don’t have, you will be miserable. I know because I was. Instead focus on everything you do have and thank each thing or experience. Thanks to a new friend in Ca (hey Louise) I am now thanking every little thing from my feet that move me to the stairs that allow me to reach my apartment (which I am also grateful for).

I hit bottom last night and was only focusing on my disappointments. Nothing in my life is any different Continue reading

The two sides of shame

Shame

Feeling shame is painful but there is hope!

The two sides of shame

I have experienced them both.

In fact, I grew up with relentless shaming nearly every day of my life. It would be a natural progression for me to take on the role of my shamers and continue to use shame to punish. In most cases, I shame myself and other times, it is others. I don’t typically shame everyone, only those that I feel slighted by in some way. I was not aware of this pattern until recently.

Anyone that follows me knows that this year has been a year of growth for me.  I have been listening much closer to what others say to me. Not the ones that criticize but the ones that speak gently and lovingly, for those are the ones I choose to hear. I have listened to the harsh words for my entire life and I am done with it.

Obviously, I have to listen once to make the determination of whether those words are valuable in any way. Typically the tone with which they are presented is a major clue as to whether I will take them into my heart or discard them.

I know it will take me a lot longer to stop the harsh words that I torture myself with but at least now I am aware that they are there.

To connect my words to my title, I do believe there are two sides of shame. The first side is the teachers. These people are experts at creating shame in another. I believe this is because at some point they too were shamed by someone important to them. We aren’t born with this ability, it is learned.

The second are the victims, in my opinion, the best shamers were taught by the best and they also feel the most shame. It is a vicious cycle that perpetuates through generations.

I need to… I must stop this cycle.

I had been having a difficult week and had recently been discussing with a friend, someone who had hurt me deeply and continued to hurt people that I love. I typically had spoken to them in a tone that was used to elicit change. Unfortunately it was through shaming them.  When that friend listened to my encounter, they asked, “Is that the only way they will listen?” I knew immediately that I needed to break the cycle.

She asked a simple question. However it hit me like a ton of bricks. Wow, I was shaming others and I was somewhere in a very deep and dark place taking pleasure in it. That was not who I was. Or maybe it was who I was but not who I am now. I resolved immediately to stop and instead to use gentle, soft words to elicit change in all others. It takes a lot longer but my heart glows warm instead of cold.

And as another new friend of mine would say, “Beth, you’ve raised your vibration.” And that makes me very happy!

So my question to you

Are you hurting because of something other people do or say to you? How do you respond? Is it with loving, gentle words or do you try to hurt them back?

If you try to hurt them, now is the time to change! It is time to break the cycle…

You can Google “shame” to find out more about how it affects us all. Here is a suggested read when dealing with someone who feels it.

My tiny house journey is over.

Hi guys! I am really sorry to announce that I have dropped out of the group for Dayton’s 1st tiny house community.

I had a couple of reasons and they were about my fellow members. As you know, I was in charge of the group and everything was progressing nicely. I even had an appointment with the proper city official. At the last meeting I attended, a discussion started about livestock, when a member that I regularly had issues with, verbally attacked me.

The worst part about the attack and final straw was that the other members just sat there looking deaf and dumb. I had at least expected them to defend me in some way. However I was sorely disappointed.

It didn’t take me long to decide that I would resign as leader and completely remove myself from the group. I did not need to be wasting my time with people who were not going to support me at important times. As far as I know, no additional meetings have been held.

Its been a few weeks and I have never regretted it. I still want to own a sustainably functioning home and so that is my focus now. I have a plan in the works so don’t be sad for me.

This blog will no longer be a tiny house blog.

Is fear stealing your joy?

 

Fear can sneak up on you

It can take many forms. It can come out as

Do you fret over decisions?

Do you fret over decisions?

  • anger
  • resistance
  • physical illness
  • indecision
  • worry or anxiety
  • inaction
  • shyness
  • phobias

We all experience fear. What we do with it is what sets us apart

We all have fear(s). What is important is that they Continue reading

Amazing ideas for efficient storage!

Coolest kitchen storage ideaI’ve been collecting these pictures of ideas for efficient storage for several months. I’ve been collecting them in anticipation of my tiny house build. While I may end up just buying the smallest house I can find in the area these are still great ideas for efficient storage.

The reason I am considering just buying a house as opposed to building is because Continue reading

Perfection is not a priority in life

What is really important?

What is really important?

I was (let’s just call her a new friend) at the house of a young woman today. I was painting her soon to be born baby’s nursery. It is a very old house and I found myself thinking, “Too bad I wasn’t the one who had painted this room for the numerous times before.” That was a criticism in case you didn’t get it. The previous paint jobs were not perfect. The previous painters had left telltale smears and splashes of their chosen colors on the woodwork. Then I looked around the room and noticed a large cobweb in the corner of the room complete with debris. The floor was dirty and I thought, “Why don’t they care about cleaning up.”

Then I wandered downstairs to get something and I saw them. Beautiful pictures on the wall of her and her husband at their wedding. There were at least four and I found them very touching. They were so happy.

Back upstairs it hit me like Continue reading

Letting go of stuff

Letting go of stuff

Letting go of stuff

Letting go of stuff doesn’t have to be hard! You just need to start somewhere. My advice is to sell or donate the things you haven’t used in over a year (pretty standard advice) and work from that point.

Be sure to tell yourself  that it is ok (what you say to yourself is extremely important to getting to the next step), that you don’t need it, won’t need it and if for some reason you do end up needing it again that you have the choice to re-acquire it (either by buying new, buying used, renting or borrowing).

Quit telling yourself you may do something with Continue reading

Which side of leadership are you on?

Enough said!

Enough said!

I have always been “unusual”. I have had my share of obstacles to overcome. While it has taken me a number of years, I am getting there. I recognize that the “growing” is never done (at least not if you are a breathing, thinking human being).

I did not go to college. (I had to hold my breath while I typed that as it is not something I usually talk about). I feel somewhat ashamed and I shouldn’t. I am smart enough. I am hardworking enough. There was just something missing for me. I did not have ANY desire to go to college. Maybe I will someday!

Maybe it was so I could stand up for smart, non-college degreed women everywhere and say, “HEY, we matter! We are of value! We are smart! We can be in charge! We can do that job!” Continue reading